The importance of reflecting on our behaviour – Sean Choolburra

My name is Sean Choolburra. I am a proud Girramay, Kalkadoon, Pitta and Gugu Yalanji man, and the father of four wonderful children.

I was raised by a strong single mother who taught me about respect.

I’ve always been very comfortable in who I am as a person. My daughters would constantly paint my nails - I spent an entire year once doing dance performances with red and green toenails. I set an example for my daughters to always be comfortable and confident in who they are.

I think all of us, regardless of our personal environments, get exposed to harmful attitudes towards women in some way or another. This is why I think it’s important to always reflect on the examples we are setting for our children and the things we say.

Something that has stayed with me very strongly was a moment when a woman was telling me a story about a friend who had experienced disrespect from her partner. I responded by saying, ‘oh, what did she do?’.

The woman I was speaking with immediately pulled me up on that comment. She didn’t get angry, she just spoke to me very directly and said, “why would you say that?” I was shocked myself that I had said it, me, of all people, a father of two daughters, and the son of a single mother, I felt pretty shame about it.

It caused me to reflect on why I made that particular comment and things we pick up from years and years of disrespectful attitudes towards women being normalised and accepted within our society. I’m glad she pulled me up. If I had of said it with a group of guys, I don’t think anyone would have pulled me up, and that’s what we need to change.

I’ve never said it again, and if I heard anyone else say it I wouldn’t tolerate it. I would speak up about it, just like the woman who I had that conversation with, did with me.

Unfortunately, when it comes to disrespect for women we are so conditioned, we have to change it, and this is where it starts.